Wolves

Still in the revision process, but I wanted to share

My child, he told me, I never wanted this for you.

I raised you to be a princess, not a warrior

I hoped to give you everything you need:

to save you from the pain of mistakes I have made

Am I not the father I wanted to be?

A flinch: this wound deeper than the night before

No, my reply, never you

I didn’t want to hurt you with this

You are not the one who changed me

From a princess into a wolf

– Metamorphosis with a knife

Our bond is more than you wanted it to be

You never dreamed weed and blades had so much in common

to calm and enslave

your first-born child, as you,

so many years ago

It’s too late to save me, I cried

It wasn’t you I was trying to escape

I did as you asked all those years

Never touched a drug

But now, I have found my own release

In the blood that ran down my leg

He cried for the present

he cried as he remembered the past, of chemicals, of highs,

of near-death experiences and

how he fought battles to escape this addictive war, and now

his precious daughter who he sacrificed so much for

Had turned her new-found claws on herself

and he had no way to protect her

At a loss, this man, this warrior, this survivor

wept

Because I hurt him even more than I had hurt myself that night

It was just the cat, I wished I could lie

trying so hard to purge me of the hatred I held

for everything I am

Because I could never stand the idea of me being weak

Yet here I am. Both jailer and prisoner, abuser

and abused

Born a warrior,

and a coward

And he cannot see my inner battle

the wolves fighting over rotting, festering territory within my dreams,

the sickly sweet smell, the sting, rancid meat,

and how badly I wanted to escape

What he could see was his fair-haired daughter,

hurting, because he wasn’t good enough at protecting her

But who can protect the wolf from it’s own teeth?