Still in the revision process, but I wanted to share
My child, he told me, I never wanted this for you.
I raised you to be a princess, not a warrior
I hoped to give you everything you need:
to save you from the pain of mistakes I have made
Am I not the father I wanted to be?
A flinch: this wound deeper than the night before
No, my reply, never you
I didn’t want to hurt you with this
You are not the one who changed me
From a princess into a wolf
– Metamorphosis with a knife
Our bond is more than you wanted it to be
You never dreamed weed and blades had so much in common
to calm and enslave
your first-born child, as you,
so many years ago
It’s too late to save me, I cried
It wasn’t you I was trying to escape
I did as you asked all those years
Never touched a drug
But now, I have found my own release
In the blood that ran down my leg
He cried for the present
he cried as he remembered the past, of chemicals, of highs,
of near-death experiences and
how he fought battles to escape this addictive war, and now
his precious daughter who he sacrificed so much for
Had turned her new-found claws on herself
and he had no way to protect her
At a loss, this man, this warrior, this survivor
wept
Because I hurt him even more than I had hurt myself that night
It was just the cat, I wished I could lie
trying so hard to purge me of the hatred I held
for everything I am
Because I could never stand the idea of me being weak
Yet here I am. Both jailer and prisoner, abuser
and abused
Born a warrior,
and a coward
And he cannot see my inner battle
the wolves fighting over rotting, festering territory within my dreams,
the sickly sweet smell, the sting, rancid meat,
and how badly I wanted to escape
What he could see was his fair-haired daughter,
hurting, because he wasn’t good enough at protecting her
But who can protect the wolf from it’s own teeth?